How to Approach a Loved One Struggling with Chemical Dependency

 

It can feel like your world has fallen apart when a family member struggles with substance abuse. It’s as if you suddenly have to run an obstacle course and deal with every bit of frustration, disappointment, and self-doubt that comes along with it. Your whole life is turned upside down by the one person you trusted and loved more than anyone else. While no one expects the impact of a loved one’s addiction on the entire family, many people don’t know how to react or what to do when their child or spouse is battling with chemical dependency. This can make it feel as if this new reality will never end and that everyone involved will be trapped in its clutches for life. But while it might not seem like it now, things can get better over time. If you have hope that those things will get better, done.

Don’t ignore it

Many people are afraid to admit that they are concerned about a loved one’s substance abuse. They worry that if they ask, their loved one will get defensive or their loved one’s substance abuse is their fault. These are normal human reactions, but they are not helpful. Instead, you can show your loved one that you care and are concerned by simply talking to them about it. The more open communication you have, the better you will be able to help your loved one find the help they need. And even if your loved one doesn’t talk to you about substance abuse, you can still be there for them. You can be there for your loved one in a non-judgmental way. You can offer to drive them to appointments, help them find jobs or treatment, go grocery shopping with them, help them plan social events, or help with chores that don’t require critical thinking. All of these things can help your loved one feel less alone and show them that you are there for them whether or not they want to talk to you about their substance abuse.

Be there for your loved one

No matter how talented or well educated you are, you will not be able to understand the thoughts and feelings that drive a loved one’s substance abuse. You might feel like you are walking on eggshells, or as if you are standing on a very thin rope, but you can still be there for your loved one. Let them know that you care by being there for them physically, emotionally, and mentally. Let them know that they are loved and valued, even if they aren’t ready to talk about it. Let them know that you are available for them whenever they need you. Hold their hand, hug them, drive them to their appointments, or walk them to the train station when they are leaving town. Let them know that there are no conditions for these acts of love and support, and let them know that you will continue to do these things even if they are unwilling to reciprocate.

Talk about what’s going on

Being there for your loved one doesn’t mean that you have to sit in silence. Instead, talk to your loved one about what’s going on in their life. You don’t need to go into detail, but you can ask them questions like “How are things going with work? What are your plans for the weekend?” These kinds of questions give your loved one a chance to talk about their life even if they are not ready to talk about their substance abuse. You don’t need to know everything your loved one is going through, but you do need to know enough to know that they aren’t in danger. Don’t assume that their substance abuse is the only issue they are dealing with. There are other issues that might be going unaddressed.

Encourage activities you enjoy together

Chemical dependency doesn’t just affect the people who are addicted. The effects of substance abuse can spill over into the family as well. Perhaps you and your loved one used to go hiking or camping together. Now, your loved one might be so busy with work or treatment that they have no time for these activities. This might make you feel resentful or distant from your loved one. You might not be ready to let go of your old activities, but you don’t have to. Instead, find new activities that you both enjoy. You could try out sports that you used to enjoy, or you could take classes together, volunteer at a children’s museum, or take a cooking class. These kinds of activities can fill the gap left by your old activities while also reminding you of the fun times you used to have together.

Offer your time and talents to help

If your loved one needs help sorting out financial matters, offer to help them set up a budget or make payments. If your loved one is struggling with depression or anxiety, offer to help with medication or therapy. If your loved one is in a difficult situation, offer to help them find a better job or get out of it. Just because your loved one has chemical dependency doesn’t mean that they don’t have other issues that need addressing. Help your loved one find a way to address the issues they face without relying on their substance abuse. Reschedule your loved one’s obligations if they are behind, help them find a therapist or a better job if they are stuck in a difficult situation, and help your loved one sort out their finances if they are in debt.

Show support with practical ways you can help

There are many ways to help your loved one with substance abuse. Most of them don’t cost much money or take a lot of time. If your loved one is in treatment, reach out to your loved one’s therapist or counselor and find out what they need help with. If your loved one is struggling with depression or anxiety, find ways to help them with these issues. If your loved one is struggling with finances, offer to help them set up a budget or make payments. If your loved one is in a difficult situation, offer to help them find a better job or get out of it. If your loved one is struggling with chemical dependency, offer to help them find treatment or support.

Negotiate boundaries and clear expectations

As your loved one’s dependency gets worse and they need more help than you can give, be willing to negotiate boundaries and clear expectations. It’s okay to accept help when it’s offered and to let your loved one set the pace for their progress. This is not your fault and it is not a sign of weakness. When your loved one is ready to talk to you about their substance abuse, and they are ready to accept help, be willing to listen and help. Don’t put any conditions on what your loved one needs to do in order to get better. This is your loved one’s battle, and there are no winners until both of you are ready to walk away.

Conclusion

Most chemical dependencies can be overcome with the help of treatment and support from family and friends. You can help your loved one by staying connected to your loved one, offering your time and talents to help, and by demonstrating unconditional love. This will help your loved one feel less alone, know that you are there for them, and have the tools they need to move forward with their recovery. If your loved one is struggling with substance abuse, you might be feeling a lot of frustration and anger. It's normal to be frustrated and angry when someone you love is struggling with substance abuse, but it's important to remember that it will get better. If you are experiencing any of these feelings while your loved one is struggling, it's important to remember that they will get better.

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